I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
