I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
