I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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