woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
