You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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