(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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