I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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