you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
