isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize