my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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