its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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