it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
