I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
