i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
