If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My pussy is not your playground.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
