Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
