Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
