I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
