Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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