I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
