i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
