Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
