Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
