Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's blow job season.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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