Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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