I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
