His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
