did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
