He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His nipple licking is glorious
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