508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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