nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
