Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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