Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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