i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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