Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
