I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
