i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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