so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
