i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
