dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
