No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
