We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
