my phone needs a breathalizer
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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