He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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