If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
