The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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