I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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