There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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