It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need a beard to bite.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
