She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
