return my video game
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
