sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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