sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
