the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
