it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
someone owes me an orgasm
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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