i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
