Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
