Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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