im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
