Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You made out with two different species that night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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