maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
