I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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