Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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