I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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