what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
