so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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