and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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