I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
