Screwed.edu
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
