then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
