If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
