I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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