Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
