so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
