I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
