from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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