So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
