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the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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