New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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