Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
