you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
