i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
