just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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