sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
