you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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