so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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