Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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