I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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